Sexy Re-Union :: Mature

Sexy Re-Union

Date: 04.02.2010

Keywords: Re-Union, Sexy,

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"

I looked around the restaurant. No one was paying any attention to us as we played out our little drama. We had ordered only coffee and the waitress was looking our way, waiting to see if we were going to order dinner. I noticed her and shook my head negatively and she turned away. We were effectively alone. I turned back to see Serena watching me and I caught the pain in her eyes before she blocked her emotions again. That took me by surprise since I had assumed that she was the calm one. I expected that since she was the one that had cheated on me and had nothing to hide any longer she would be calmer than I. Apparently that was not the case.

Suddenly I felt a little more in control and in little more cheerful. Misery does love company. As I thought that, I remembered the last time I saw her: in our driveway. She had collapsed to the ground in tears as I drove away and I remember thinking that she finally felt the pain I had been feeling. She showed it again in that one glance.

"I need some time to think about what you've said tonight. I was taken by surprise since I fully expected you to sign the papers without a fight. I see now that I was mistaken and I need to reassess my position. Can we just have dinner and not talk any more about this tonight?"

"If that's what you want. I'm sorry but I don't see why you would have expected me to sign that divorce petition under your conditions. I thought you knew me better than that. If you need time, sure. But if you aren't willing to stay and fight for our marriage, I wish you would tell me now so I can make plans. I have a lot that I'll have to do: find a job and a place to live and that will take some time. I expect to make my own way. I really don't want your money."

I responded finally with the anger that had been building as we talked. I was still hurting but she seemed to be fine: willing to move on with or without me. How could she be so cold and cruel?

"And I don't see how you could have cheated on me and not expected me to do what I did. Why would you think I could just accept your affair and move on? And especially with Bill, my supposed best friend. What on earth allowed you to betray me so easily? How could you throw away 25 years of marriage for that bastard? You had been doing this for months and you shut me out in the bedroom while you were screwing Bill. You're right. Apparently we didn't know each other as well as we thought we did. I sure as hell didn't know you!"

That took Serena by surprise. It was the first time I had let my anger at her affair control what I said. Up to this point, I had talked in general about what she and Bill had done, and the pain and anger it caused, but not directly attacked her. It was almost as though it were something abstract that we were discussing. Now I had brought it to the front and it was as unpleasant as I had thought it would be: for both of us.

I continued in a low voice, trying to bring my anger back in control and not attract unwanted attention. To do this, I leaned across the table and spoke directly to her as calmly as I could.

"You did this to me, first and foremost. You cheated on me with my best friend and you did it willingly and behind my back. You broke your marriage vows to me and to God and you did it more than once. You hadn't stopped when I caught you and I don't know if you ever had any intentions on stopping. I know that the only reason you did stop was that I caught you both."

"I never knew that you were that unhappy. You never came to me to tell me that our marriage was in trouble. I admit that I was preoccupied with work but I had a goal for the both of us and I was working as hard as I could toward that goal. I trusted you to keep our home and marriage and tell me if I was not keeping up my end of the bargain. You chose instead to deny our marriage and me and turn to another man; someone that I trusted almost as much as I trusted you. That's what you're asking me to accept and to move beyond. Don't you see what you did to me? Can't you understand?"

Suddenly, Serena was no longer the one calm, collected and in control. Suddenly she looked lost, and alone, and hurting. It was only now that I unloaded my anger and pain onto her that she knew what I had been feeling. Suddenly, the 'affair' that she had effectively depersonalized, was now coming home to rest on her head. It was not what she had expected and she was not prepared.

Since I walked out on her, she hadn't been forced to confront the effect it had on me. When she told the boys, she only had her feelings to deal with. They would have been angry but supportive and she could minimize the effect of her actions. They probably spoke of my forgiving nature and she began to believe that all she had to do was talk to me and make me forgive her. All would be as it was.

Serena had a stricken look on her face. Her eyes were glistening with the tears that were about to fall and she could only shake her head back and forth, repeating "no, no, no" over and over. She finally choked out some words.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this any more. Please call Ben and let him know when you want to talk again. If you want to talk again. I have to go now."

With that, she got up and almost ran from the restaurant. I watched her go in shock, not realizing immediately the effect my words had on her. Could she really be in the dark about what I was feeling and how I saw her infidelity? Apparently that was the case. I had to think about that. I noticed several people glance my way as they watched Serena leave the restaurant. I signaled the waitress for the check. I might as well go back to the apartment. This was going to be a long night.

After a microwave dinner and a cold beer, I spent that evening deep in thought. I was totally confused now that I had talked with Serena. This was not as simple and straightforward as I had first assumed it to be. I was not the only one hurting. Serena had yet to face the consequences of her actions and my exit after the party had delayed that confrontation. The brief meeting we had at the restaurant tonight had just broken through her carefully constructed block: avoiding my feelings and my reactions.

Now that the block was gone, she had some real thinking to do. Maybe her simple plan to get back together and move on would be left behind. Maybe now she would see that there was nothing simple about it. I went to bed later that night, wondering if and when I should meet with her again. If I did, this time we would have it out, once and for all and we would indeed move on. But alone or together: I didn't know.

I spent some time talking with George Cohen about the divorce and my affairs and I let two days pass before I called Ben to see if he and Michael could meet me for lunch or dinner in the next day or so. Ben was glad to hear from me and said he would talk with Mike and get back to me. He asked if I wanted to talk to mom again but I told him to tell her that I wanted to talk with them first.

We set up a dinner meeting for the next day. We would meet at a place in Trenton that they knew. Ben said it was great for steaks and we made plans for 6:30. Now that I had my Mercedes, I was more comfortable driving around. It had a navigation system so I couldn't get lost.

Dinner was great and we rehashed old times and I got caught up on their family plans. Seems Michael and his wife Julie were thinking of babies as well. We had fun talking about the trying and the fun and the lack of spontaneity. It was a blast talking with my sons about that. I gave them some background on the times when Serena and I were trying, but we really had had no problems at all. Both boys came easily and early on in the trying. As we talked, I felt nothing out of the ordinary and that was a surprise. I think love of family is far removed from the problems of a marriage. It seems to be neutral ground.

"The reason I asked you guys to dinner is that I am having a hard time trying to decide what your mother is doing. She wants me to forgive her and move on but as we talked, I got the distinct impression that she doesn't really understand what she has done. I wanted to ask you what she told you about what happened. I don't want you to break any confidences, but remember, I already know what happened and I actually recorded a number of their phone calls and their meetings so I don't need details. Nothing that happened will be a surprise to me. I really just want to know what she told you."

Mike and Ben looked at each other and Mike nodded to Ben, giving him the go ahead. That was typical; Ben usually took the lead as the older one.

"Mom called Mike and me together two days after you walked out on her. That would be that Sunday, I guess. She asked us to come to the house but wouldn't tell us why. She said she wanted to wait until we were all together to talk."

"I asked her where you were and she said you had gone on a trip somewhere. She wouldn't say any more until we were together. I called Mike and told him to come over as soon as he could and that I was worried by the sound of her voice. He came over right away and together we went to the house."

"Mom was sitting at the kitchen table and she looked like she had been crying a lot. She wasn't even dressed and had on that old ratty robe she wears. The kitchen was full of dirty dishes and nothing had been put away. We thought she had been sick, and we were so shocked at her appearance we were about to call the doctor when she got mad and told us to just sit down and listen. We did and she told us you had left her. Just walked out after the party and she had no idea of where you were or how to reach you. She just started crying again and we had no idea of why."

"Mike and I were angry that you had left her and we started yelling at each other about how to find you and what we were going to tell you when we found you. We were going at it hot and heavy until she slammed her fist down on the table and screamed at us to stop.