Sexy Re-Union :: Mature

Sexy Re-Union

Date: 04.02.2010

Keywords: Re-Union, Sexy,

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I fixed myself some coffee and tried to relax. I had to admit I was looking forward to that evening with mixed feelings. On one hand, I wanted to see Serena again, just to see her and talk to her. I still loved her and she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. That hadn't changed. On the other hand, the pain was still fresh in my heart and the anger was close to the surface. I wasn't sure what I was going to do or say.

At 6:45, I left to drive to the restaurant. I was going to be right on time; not early or late. Childish maybe, but I was not above that yet. As it was, the traffic was all going out of Princeton so I had little trouble getting there on time. I parked close by and walked in right at 7:00. I was inordinately proud of that little accomplishment.

I stood just inside the door, looking for her and spotted her almost immediately. She was sitting at a small table close to the window and she was watching me with a smile on her face. I wasn't ready for the jolt that smile gave me. God! She could still do that to me after 25 years. My breath caught in my chest and I had to blink a couple of times before I got myself under control. I smiled back and moved toward her. I used the time to calm myself down.

She rose to greet me and I noticed that she had on the necklace that I had given her for our anniversary. She unconsciously fingered it with one hand as she watched me.

"Hello John. You look great. The sun and the ocean certainly did you some good. I'm not surprised: you needed the time away from work with all its pressure and demands on you. I'm glad you were able to relax."

I waited until she was seated and then sat down across from her. She looked great in a beautiful light green blouse that showed off her beautiful figure. The neckline was low enough to show off the necklace and it lay nestled in her cleavage and gleamed against her flawless skin. She looked poised and graceful and very beautiful. It was hard not to notice the admiring glances from the men around us. I had always been proud to be seen with her and she always looked wonderful.

"Thanks. You're right. I was almost exhausted and the time in St. Croix was just what I needed to catch up on my sleep and find time to just do nothing. You look great yourself. Carrie must be a great cook."

She just smiled at the reference to Carrie. We both knew she couldn't cook water without help. I assumed she had taken over the cooking duties. I watched her face. She seemed relaxed and in control. That was typical of Serena. Beautiful and always in control. In a way, that disappointed me. I had hoped to see her a little more distraught or upset. It would have been good for my ego.

"Well, I won't say Carrie is a great cook but she and Ben have been good to me. I really appreciate the way they took me in without a complaint. Most wives would not have been so generous to their mother in law."

"She is something else. Ben tells me they are working on a little Ben or Carrie but not having too much luck so far."

"They certainly are trying. It's sometimes a little embarrassing when Ben comes home for lunch and they disappear. I try not to notice but you know how that is. I find it rather sweet."

I watched her as she talked about our son and his wife. She was very proud of Ben and she loved Carrie. I knew that they would have been a godsend to her when I left the way I did. Ben was a wonderful son and a good person: he would not have been judgmental towards Serena, in spite of her confession. Once again, I regretted what I did and how I did it. Not cool, as the kids say.

I decided that I should try to bring this discussion back to the point. I found that I didn't want to do that but I resisted the impulse to just ignore it and continue talking to her as if we had no cares in the world other than our family.

"Well, I must admit that I was very surprised to find from George that you hadn't signed the divorce papers. I thought the offer I made to you was more than fair and there was no reason for you to have had to tell Ben and Michael of our problems. Was it the money? Did you want more?"

"The money? Why would you think that? You didn't have any money when you asked me to marry you, but I said yes anyway. We had no money when we decided to have Ben, but we went ahead anyway. We had even less money when Michael came along but we loved him dearly. I was happy to go back to work when the boys were older to help put money aside for their educations, and I never wanted to quit when your parents died and left us that money, but you insisted. Money was never an important part of my life with you John."

All that she said was true. She had never wanted money or the things that money could buy. When she was working, she put aside everything she earned into the savings account we set up for the boys. She never went on spending sprees for herself and when she did spend money, it was on things for the house or for our boys. She was the one that suggested we put the money from my parents into an investment account and forget it was there until we agreed to retire.

"I'm sorry. You're right about that and I should have known better. But, if not the money, why did you move out of the house? You picked it out and you always loved it. You decorated it from top to bottom. It is your house more than mine."

"A house is not a home, John. When we were together, it was our home and I loved it. Now that you have moved out, it is just a house again, lonely, and sad with some very bad memories. Not someplace I want to be any longer. I wanted to sell it but Ben and Michael convinced me to wait. I don't know why."

"OK, I can maybe see that, but then what on earth convinced you to tell Ben and Mike what you did? I would never have gone through with that threat; you must know that."

"I had to tell them because they began to talk about you leaving and it made them angry to think that you would do something like that to me. I couldn't let them think that, so I told them. They heard me out and they forgave me. They hated what I did and they hated what I had done to you and to our family and they had unkind words to say about Bill Collins, but they forgave me. That was the worst thing for me; they forgave me even after I had done something so awful to our family. You can't believe how much that hurt to know that I had done that. It still does."

I watched her face as she told me this. I could see the pain in her eyes as she told me of telling our sons what she had done. Maybe it was worse for her to admit this to them; maybe worse than she felt for doing it to me. These were our children, and they were our life for many years. Losing their love would have been devastating to Serena or to me for that matter.

"Serena, please tell me. If it wasn't the money or the house, and you felt compelled to tell Ben and Mike what you did, than why haven't you signed the divorce papers? What's left?"

"You!"

"What do you mean me?"

"I don't want to be divorced from you John. Not now and not ever. I don't want our marriage to end. I love you and always have. I never stopped even when I was with Bill, and I haven't stopped just because you left me."

"But you know why I left you. You cheated on me and you betrayed our marriage."

"Yes, I did that and I regret it. I made a terrible mistake and I am paying a heavy price for it, as I should. I lost your trust and respect; my children hate what I did; and I hate myself. I admit all of that, but it was a terrible, terrible mistake and I want you to forgive me."

"How can I forgive you for what you did? You hurt me and tore my heart out. You made my life a living hell and it made me do things that I'm not proud of. While I was in St. Croix, I almost did to another man what you and Bill did to me. It wasn't my fault that I didn't. I found out later that she was divorced but I thought at the time she was married, and to a man that I knew. I was willing to take her without a thought about her husband. That's what you made of me."

Serena responded in some anger to that. "No, that is what you let your anger and hurt make of you. I will not take responsibility for that. And remember, you were still married to me when you did that. How could you do that if you were so hurt by what I did? Aren't you being just a little hypocritical? Aren't you blaming me for doing exactly what I did? You're saying, 'She made me do it'. I don't think you can blame me for the things you do in anger.

She paused and then continued. "But if you can stay here and work with me to try to help me understand why I did that to you and to us, I'm sure that your pain and anger will be less than trying to go it alone."

I was glad that she picked a public place for this discussion because I was becoming furious. Not so much with her, but with what she was saying. I knew she was very close to the truth and I had to agree with most of what she said but I wasn't happy about it. As a result, I just sat there without responding. Serena seemed so calm and so cool. How could she be calm? I was furious and she was calm!

"I don't know about any of this. The anger and the pain are still very new and very raw. How can you expect me to just say 'OK, I forgive you'? How can you expect that from me? What you did with Bill Collins is still very much in my head. I can't stop thinking of the two of you together in that room and I can still hear the words that the two of you used with each other. How am I supposed to forget that?"

"You can't forget that as long as you choose to be alone with nothing but your anger and pain. They won't let you forget. And I don't expect you will ever completely forget it. I know I won't. I will remember it every day of my life and I will regret it every day of my life but I have to move ahead. I can't continue to suffer because of what I did. That is over and it will never happen again. I want to move forward with you, but if that's not to be, I'll do it alone.